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This powerful, inspiring and awakening poem is written by renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary. It is included in her published book "A Radical Awakening". The Time of the Awakened Woman -Dr. Shefali Tsabary There comes a time in the life of a woman When she discards her old ways like tossed shoes in the garbage When she shreds her list of “shoulds” and obligations And when impossible expectations are burned in an incinerator There comes a time in the life of a woman When the approval of others once jewels now turn to pennies in her sock When the hunt for another is now replaced by a hunt for herself And when paternal tentacles of tradition no longer define her truth There comes a time in the life of a woman When her desire to fit in with the crowd dissolves When her maniac compulsion to be perfect vaporizes And when her obsession to be voted popular eviscerates There comes a time in the life of a woman When she simply says “no more” When façade, artifice, and guile leave her nauseated And when righteousness, dogma, and superiority repulse her There comes a time in the life of a woman When she no longer fears conflict but faces it boldly like a lioness When she guards her authenticity as fearlessly as she guards her babies And when she drops the role of saviour knowing she can only save herself There comes a time in the life of a woman When she no longer cowers in the shadows of her unworthiness When she longer plays small so others can feel big And when she swaps the role of victim for the role of cocreator There comes a time in the life of woman When she unabashedly and boldly occupies her ultimate sovereignty When she finally feels ready to claim her space in the world And when she redefines compassion as unequivocal self-love There comes a time in the life of a woman When she finally releases her childlike dependencies on others When she dares to rewrite a new mandate of living for herself One that says: I release unworthiness and fear I divorce servility and passivity I divest inauthenticity and enmeshment I end the pretence of being someone I am not And from now on I declare… I will ascend into my highest power I will embrace my greatest autonomy I will celebrate my deepest worth I will embody my fiercest courage and manifest the most authentic me The time is now I am ready To awaken into my renaissance. This website and pages herein may contain affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, I may earn a small commission.

My journey has been about following my heart and finding balance. Finding the alignment within my soul – my inner being to my outer being. It has encouraged me to dive deep within my inner knowing and question why I believe what I do. This thought of FORGE, NOT FOLLOW has showed up repeatedly over the last little while. In conversations, oracle cards, and generally topics that I’ve been randomly been listening to on podcasts. I believe this is the universe, my highest self, whispering to me. It’s the voice of my inner knowing, my intuition, that this is the purpose to my path. My journey in life thus far has been a windy one. I thought my childhood was pretty normal, with the usual things that a young girl experiences in here lifetime, but then again, we really only remember the good parts. The turbulent emotions and the scenarios that drove them were left unresolved and buried deep within my emotional body. Only to be replayed out at a later time with the hope of some resolution. Instead, the emotional response was repeated – much to the confusion of myself and all those involved and again buried deep. It’s not really until you hit that moment in your life, as an adult and on a healing journey that you realise how emotionally fucked up you are. It’s not to put the blame on my upbringing, but rather the inability and lack of education to adequately handle life’s situations better. And when you become a parent – all of these buried deep feelings resurface real fast. I could objectively say that most adults are unable to recognise their reactions for unresolved emotions and trauma within the body. They easily assume this is part of the right of passage and rather than address pain, discomfort, anxiety, it becomes smothered and numb under the influence of medications and addictions. Laughing it off as “I suffer from…”. Suffering is not a normal state of being. It is the bodies alarm bells ringing as loud as it knows how. For you to have some awareness that what is going on within you, isn’t right. I have “suffered” a lot in the means of chronic health issues. And after feeling like much of it was to be left unresolved by the professionals we’re supposed to have faith in, my approach really heading into a holistic direction. I have embraced eastern therapies (because you know there’s thousands of years of evidence there…), and realised that somatic approaches are the key to unlocking and understanding our true potential. When you really begin to dig deep on it, it all just makes so much sense. The trapped emotions in me, stem from times when I was unable to process my emotions in the way that my body knew how. Many scenarios I have been able to sit and meditate on, reflecting back that I moderated my reactions and even squashed them completely, because I didn’t want to hurt someone or damage their opinion of me. I let my ego rule. Even as a child, I know I held a lot of emotion back because it felt unsafe to do so, that what I was feeling was unjust and triggered the people I had hoped would maintain that safety. As I have slowly started to work through these things, I realise I am only scratching the surface of what I have been conditioned and allowed the suppression of. The more that I unravel from within myself, working through the knots, the more I feel my heart lighten. The more I feel a sense of coming home and coming back to myself. It is slowly a reconnecting with someone I have always known is there with me, but we’ve never really communicated and the conversations we have are electric. They light each other of us up. And with this inner dialogue with myself, I begin to heal. Not only that, I heal the relationships around me. Directly and indirectly. It is proving a reminder that I am my own being. That I am in this existence to be present with every fibre of my soul. To know that I walk to the beat of my own drum. To hold influence over nobody else but myself. To forge that path before me. To break the generational cycles of emotional despondency and questioning of our hearts. To make it clear – that the power that comes from this journey is my own. Not taken from anyone or given away to please. What I share, I share freely with goodwill. I feel like that the last 15 years of my life have been the best rollercoaster ride I could have asked for. If I had known what I was going to be experiencing – for sure, I would have said nup, I don’t need that. But in all honesty, it has been the best soul food to embrace this next evolution of my soul. Levelling up soul relationships is hard, I am not going to lie. Holding and growing in intimate relationships – especially with the unrealistic expectations our society holds today has been a challenge. But I am here knowing that whole heartedly, I am here to grow. I am here to experience and learn. To learn not to take every experience so seriously, with expectation, or with result. To learn to enjoy the ride. Enjoy the rollercoaster. I have said it many times before and I will more than likely say it many times more – everything in life happens for a reason. Whether it be for karma or kriya. Every experience is here to expand our hearts and souls. It is how we choose to interpret that experience that influences our perceived quality and enjoyment of life. All that matters is how I show up. Do I show up with grace and love, or jealousy and resentment? That is the path that I get to forge. MY choice in how my soul shows up in this existence. Some days it is a tough resolve to maintain, but I know that the more I show up in a state of mind of kriya and surrender. The more I fall into flow. The more I allow the good things to take hold in my energy field. So, here’s the part that I ask, where has your experience and journey of life taken you thus far? Much Love, Sharai xx

This post contains affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, I may earn a small commission. The products I recommend here are ones that I use myself and all opinions expressed are my own. There are lots of different rituals we can partake in to help us to find our way back to self. To find that alignment within us. Alignment in us can feel as easy as finding that calm after a chaotic day. There was many a time where my ritual in cup involved alcohol. A glass of wine, but more often than not it was a triple shot whiskey. Many times as I have pivoted throughout my life journey, I have gone a few years of being completely sober. And to encourage myself staying that way, I changed up my evening beverages with herbal tea. It wasn’t just the benefits of not drinking alcohol, it was the benefits to assist in regaining some control over my health. Me being the person who always wants to do things a little differently, I chose not to drink the standard black Ceylon tea, I went straight for the weird tasting flowers and leaves – and sometimes my brew looked like some kind of weird potion. 😂 Drinking herbal tea – and creating a pot of it in the evenings slowly became a ritual that helped me drop into myself. I always had a pot on my desk, my bed or beside me on the floor as I painted away the evening. As I’ve come along in my journey, I have become a little obsessive about my drinks and what goes in what cup! (Tell me I’m not the only one!) I have a designated cup for coffee, bone broth, teacup for the bags, teacup for the pot, teacup for the plunger and my handmade cup for cacao. But each has its own ritual to go with it. I believe that when we are conscious about what we consume, we establish a stronger connection to our inner being. We allow our bodies consciousness the opportunity to come forth on it own fruition, without the need to numb our senses. Through ritual and practices we can control our conscious mind and it’s connection to the unconscious. Allowing space for flow to exist. When know that when we can connect to flow state, our level at which we create is truly powerful. The insights we gain can be transformative. I have also recently started expanding my herbal teas, utilising medicinal herbs and adaptogens, as well as plant extracts. Taking a little inspiration from Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the eastern rituals with tea and the purpose in which you might drink each herb. When I’m looking to connect with my sacred feminine, flow, lighten my mood and expand creativity – Blue Lotus Flower, is a great night time cup. We’ve played around with a few mixes of this, poppy, passionflower, lion’s mane mushroom, damiana, chamomile, skullcap, and found these can be a great help to wind down after a highly charged day. Another one in the lead up and during my cycle, is a raspberry leaf blend. I’ve sourced one that is naturopathically prepared containing a nice balance of dandelion root, ashwagandha root and hibiscus flowers. To level up on my tea’s I’ve started adding function mushroom extracts. It might sound like a strange thing to do, however teas and elixirs where the wise woman way of healing in the past. I’ve been through a lot with my health and have significantly been let down by the conventional health system and being having been led to alternative health and TCM methods, I now realise how much value there is in the olde ways. Including the rituals and practices that took place while consuming them. Not necessarily the “witchy” ways of ritual, but the eastern ways of consuming through meditations. It a topic that interests me quite a bit, and one I hope to research further as time goes on. Reach out if you have any references. I would love to know, what are some of your rituals in a cup?

“We all grow and change. Our experiences shape us into our next evolution of ourselves. To stay stagnant is a denial of your heart and soul’s purpose. You are denying yourself the joy and growth of divine alignment in this existence. Breathe deep. Lean in. Accept the version that was once you, is falling away for you to step up and into the next level in this game of life.” In my recent observation of the world around me, and in my circles, there is a lot of life evolutions and levelling up going on. For most, this has been the reflection of stability in a relationship falling apart. The relationships I have observed have come to a sticking point, and as a whole we’ve been forced to reshape everything we know. This is not to say this is all I am seeing, but the occurrence of this particular scenario is interesting. What are we experiencing and discovering about ourselves that is causing us to look deeper within ourselves and highlight that which is no longer servicing us and our highest selves? There have definitely been significant shifts in mindset over the last few years, predominantly as a reflection of the society scenarios that have played out. Many were forced to awaken, some were given the opportunity to delve deeper and others simply ignored it. My biggest experience of this “levelling up” during the last few years has been the evolution of my own relationships, with my family and within my marriage. Myself and my husband have been discovering more about ourselves and the roles we play within our relationship and the family dynamic. We’ve connected deeper on some levels and stepped away from others, but those that we have stepped away from – are parts of our previous selves. The parts that have been conditioned to behave a particular way. However, I believe the biggest growth we’ve experiences thus far is opening up our channels for communication. Honest communication is something I have always struggled in. Even with myself. As I have learned so far along this journey, is the importance of communication. With our hearts, our souls, and the people we care most about. And by opening my voice in this space – I have also encouraged his., resulting in growth and evolution for the both of us. Looking back and seeing the difficult times, that they potentially could have given both of us the opportunity to stay stagnant, frustrated and ultimately dissolve our relationship. Yet, as we both traversed our own personal growth in different capacities, we saw these times as lessons being thrown in front of us to test our willpower to move on from trapped emotions from old experiences. And I think the deal breaker in this example, was we both stepped outside of our comfort zones and communicated. We shared the raw emotions, what was showing up and triggering us. For me, it allowed pause to reflect upon the way I showed up and the reflection of misalignment within myself. Realising these misaligned centres needed attention for the beginning of moving forward in my growth. Levelling up into the next evolution of ourselves looks different at successive stages. I have unquestionably experienced mini level ups, and big upgrades. Evolutions that at the time felt they had me broken and unrepairable. With time and the sense to sit with the feelings, is what helped me get through it all. Some call these times of deep reflection, dark nights of the soul. Where we can feel so helpless, lost, vulnerable and almost at a sense of death. And when we rise, we rise like the phoenix. Evolved in our consciousness. To allow old versions of ourselves to “die” we need to surrender to that death. To breathe deep and lean into the moment. Having acceptance of who we once were is really the only way to move forward. To acknowledge that we went through turbulent moments, and objectively chose to use that experience to teach us grace to move forward. To bring our hearts and souls into closer alignment. When we choose to repeat the patterns, we deny ourselves the opportunity to step onto a new path. We deny the chance to experience another level of joy. We deny the fortuitous evolution of our existence. The ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, of life are what build the foundation of our connection to a deeper version of our soul. Like a germinated seed, sprouting through the muck reaching for the radiance of the sunshine. So does the consciousness of our soul. You can’t grow the lotus flower without the mud. I know some days it is a challenge to be optimistic about our experience in life. Yet when you do reach that state of optimistic joy, you truly feel like you have stepped into the next evolution, version, upgrade of your previous state of being. Knowing that some day soon, you’re going to experience it all over again. That alone makes this existence worth it – seeing the reward of how far we grown. Interested in seeing how you can uplevel your life through finding alignment within yourself? Book in here for a FREE Discovery Call to open the conversation.

We hear a lot about stepping into our bodies to truly experience life. To move through our emotions. And the most common way we do this is through physical movements, like shaking, yoga, dance, breathwork, and walking. They are all great modalities to assist in the processing and the moving of stuck, trapped emotions in our bodies as we heal, but there is also passive embodiment. Passive embodiment is the moving of these emotions through the body by utilising subtle motions through our hands to create. It is a practice that starts more in the mind and transmutes itself through our cells. It’s a subtle processing of our thoughts until we are no longer thinking, and our motion is just about flow. I would almost liken the thoughtless creative manifestations as emotional therapy. When I need to process something, but my conscious mind cannot figure it out and I just don’t feel like being active and physically moving – hello slob mode - I am drawn to an artistic outlet. In the past, this has looked like painting, drawing, embroidery, and macrame. A process that results in the creation of something visually artistic. They are not all polished pieces, or with a thought-out purpose. I called it art vomit. The vomit of my emotions on the canvas. In my late teens much of my artistic work had a darker edge – I was emotionally abandoned, by my family and most importantly myself. As my skills developed and I struggled to find a wholeness in myself, the expression became a lot less structured and took on a more abstract nature. This was the outpouring of my trapped emotions onto the canvas. Creating shapes, texture, and painting over and over the layers until I felt ready to move on from it. Much of this artwork has been destroyed, moving multiple times in their conceptions, I had never intended to hold on to them and be reminded of the emotions I was expelling. When I looked back on them, I felt uncomfortable, and I could never really figure the why of it. Even as unaware as I was of it at the time, the process was my therapy, it was all I had available to me. When I found myself in motherhood – this process stopped. I struggled to give in to my own needs to escape to this therapy to process the changes to my life. Unwilling to give up my artistic passions altogether, I pivoted. Switching to creating smaller scale drawings, then eventually fibre art as it gave me the ability to stop and start without recognisably interrupting flow. The emotions I moved in this slower process took longer to expel – and not as fully as my previous practices did. They were not the big dumps of built-up energy and frustration that they used to be in my painting sessions, but they did bring a release of built-up unprocessed emotions. Even now, being a mother of two young boys, a tween boy and facilitating family duties, as well as a full-time job and managing the comeback of my health has been a mountain to climb. It has brought to light what my current priorities are and what I truly wish them to be. Re-organising them hasn’t been an easy task, but I have been taking smaller steps to work towards allowing myself more time to truly find embodiment, in both physical movement and passively. Even if it’s 10 minutes with head phones on dancing away in the kitchen whilst I make dinner and pack the next days lunches, it helps me shed the days woes and frustrations and come back to myself, allowing me time to present with the people that matter the most to me. My current goal is to find more time outside in nature. Sitting on the beach, with a cup of tea, meditating or simply pondering was such a ritual for me when I lived on the beach. Even having time to play and learning how to hula hoop. But since moving further into the suburbs, not as far as the hills or along the creeks, has been a struggle to find that special moment to create ritual. It has been tricky to find balance between life and allowance for me to step into any type of embodiment practice. I realise that when I let it lapse, that I am easily frustrated with everything around me when all it is, is a reflection of the frustration I have for myself. When I allow my body to flow, I have release. The stagnant energy moves and re-balances. I can find a stronger connection to my own heart and my intuition. Writing has been a great way to help me alter mindset and move energy. Even the act of journalling, not necessarily in my journal but on note paper and burning or burying the writing has felt cathartic. I recently realised; this practice is still passive embodiment. The expression of thought and emotion through the subtle movement of my hands. (For any yogi’s reading this, I would love to know are there any mudra’s that represent/or are a similar gesture to handwriting?) The days when I do manage to find the time to engage with passive embodiment, my heart feels lighter and my mind clearer. And it is a constant reminder to myself I shouldn’t neglect this practice as often as I do. When I practice moving my hands more often, it opens up my channels and I start to feel the movement really begin to drop in. My shoulders begin to shimmy, my feet begin to tap and my hips sway in my seat. Some days that is enough, others it’s the encouragement I needed to get out of my head, to release the mind and my thoughts and get up to move and flow with the energy. I am interested to know, do you have an passive embodiment practices for getting out of your head and dropping into your body? Share in the comments. Love, Sharai xx

Following the "red" thread. Through soul contracts to soul purpose. Our path to Dharma (another word for soul purpose) has never been designed or intended to be a direct route. A straight line to a destination. It has been predetermined for us by the contracts we made with the universe before we even entered it. We pre-prepared our life circumstances to offer the body of our human existence the best opportunity for soul growth. However, we forget all this information as we grow. As children we can see between the veil of worlds, see more that what our older selves can see. They can see the magick between the dust motes that spin around in the rays of sunshine. Some days as adults, when we are connected, we see have the sight to see this magick, but it takes letting go of the conditioned ideals that shadow your etheric eyes. You may have heard the idea of following the red thread, but what is it really? It is the knowledge of looking back on all that has occurred in your life, the unfortunate circumstances, and the epic wins. It is being able to recognise all the similarities in the lessons. That you are being led to a place you may never expected. As children, we are often conditioned to follow our dreams. However, they are not truly ever our dreams. They are the reflections of our guardians and all they wished they could pursue. Being a parent myself, I can see this thought. That we feel it is our responsibility to offer the most logical advice that will see our offspring succeed in the best way possible. We unconsciously push them toward making the safe decisions, that it is foolhardy to follow lofty dreams that bring about personal freedom. This is the generational conditioning that to have any measure of success, it needs to be hard earned. Earned from the input of hard manual labour, long hours with minimum financial reward. In this phase of my journey, I recognise I have been conditioned in this way. I have huge limiting beliefs around money, I have been convinced that unless I slave away at the job, that I am unworthy of receiving the financial freedom. That employment must come in the form of the Monday to Friday, 9 – 5 ethic. It was never a topic of conversation that it could be possible to be financially rewarded whilst being honest with my creative passions and pursuits. That being a change maker, a rule breaker or artist would pay off. There were all things that they system taught me were to be hobbies and side projects, and if you made an income from them that was just a bonus. Finding my way home back to myself has been a long process. At least 10 years that I can estimate, and it involved leaving what I knew behind and taking a leap to start something new. I had to remove myself from the surroundings that were too familiar and throw myself in the deep end, to tread water and figure it all out with no help, just the subtle whispered guidance of the universe. In this phase of my life, it has been entirely testing. I questioned multiple times if I had made the right decision, things were so tough that I can’t remember how many times I cried myself to sleep at night wondering how I was going to get through, to find that air bubble to breathe in fresh air. I am so thankful for these times, because the offered to push I needed. The discomfort for which I had to dig so deep and pull up my big girl pants and work it out. To put the faith in my own capabilities and see what good I could make out of uncomfortable situations. These times haven’t put me in the best financial position I would wish to be in for someone my age, however, the life experience is irreplaceable. The soul growth and knowledge I have received through the challenges and obstacles have been so emotionally valuable, they have provided the opportunity to tap into an ancestral wisdom that was previously unavailable to me. I am beginning to see the power made available to me. The power of reflection, to ability to look back and see all the good that has come out of the discomfort, heartbreaks, and smiles. I can begin to trace the common threads, the darting back and forth, the criss-crossing of experiences, chance meetings and souls I have had the privilege of connecting with. All of this was designed to be. Designed and intended by my highest self. Knowing this now, I can focus on surrendering and having faith that there is a universal plan. I do, however, realise I have free will in these decisions and must present to see the opportunities and experiences for what they are. I could completely surrender, yet nothing could result from it. It would be the surrender of boring experiences and achieving all that I needed to make it to the next day. There is no excitement in that. I want to surrender to the fails, the wins, the ups and downs, the ebbs, and flows. To let my red thread, get caught up in tangles and knots. To have the opportunity to look back with a smile and see how far I have truly come. Knowing that my purpose here is to be the visionary of my family. To work with other family members to break our ancestral traumas. The things that have been holding us back. I desire to be the rebel, to show that what I was told was impossible is well within my achievable bounds. To be the torch bearer to all that went before and all that are to come that there is no fear in following your dreams. In following that inner spark that lights you up. Have you thought about following your own red thread, to trace back all the important and valuable skills you have learnt that are preparing you to embody your highest self? If the idea of this is resonating with you, share in the comments your own journey thus far or if you need a little assistance in recognising all the wins, reach out for complimentary discovery call to Intuitive Soul Coaching. I would love to hear your story, Much love, Sharai, xx

I feel like I am really in the thick of transition now. And it is uncomfortable. I suppose that is the sign that I am going in the right direction. Without feeling some sort of discomfort, I would be where it is comfortable – and change does not reside there. In my studies, this past week's topic brought to light a few things. It is becoming apparent to me that I am not honouring my voice or speaking to myself with love. Heart centred communication was the phrase offered to me. I knew this journey was going to be tricky. It was part of the reason I plunged in and took this course. To find answers – or at least more of them and to begin really looking inwards and working through the blocks there. Right now, I feel the discomfort. It’s familiar - I recognise it as the ‘stuck’ feeling. That I am working towards something but feeling like I am going nowhere, so I give up. I believe I ‘ve been in this place many times before. I have begged for a sign, but I never really surrendered or truly opened myself up to see the opportunities. When I thought I was surrendering, I was just searching for a label to validate my desires. Now, I can see it as the awkward transition phase. This place where I have reached out to the next branch, not knowing if it will hold my weight. My weight is still where I know it is safe, but I know at some point I will have to shift. I know that if I am going to succeed in embracing change, I will have to let go, and have faith. In this transition, I know I am still finding my voice. Where I am (what I am preparing to move away from) presents opportunity for me to practice sharing my voice. But it is so different to the part of me that I currently share. I know it will create ripples, good and bad. This potential outcome is causing the hesitancy in my heart. I would love to have more confidence in sharing my authentic self and I know this will come from surrounding myself with a cheer squad. Supporters who genuinely want to see me succeed. Those like-minded individuals, I want to be a part of a community. It is something I have desired for a long time, and I did not know it until as recent as these last few moments. To be a player in something special, magical and life changing. I previously thought it to be a friendship circle, but I want it to be so much more than that. A tribe. A circle of women who are truthful, who are not envious or jealous, who are curious, who are present in their own wisdom. I know my previous experience with social circles have not been the most successful, and I know it to be because I was not true to myself. How can I show up for others if I cannot show up for myself? But the thing is, I can – as long as I am honest about it. I need to trust in owning who I am. That when I am on fire, my energy is magnetic. When those are connected, we are creating magic – we are the first in this new shift, this awakening generation, the paradigm, and we carry the frequency to step forward and claim that this is for me, for all of us. So, my pledge to myself – do what expands your heart. Always.

The end of year holiday season is always a bag of mixed emotions for our household. Society and our institutions have placed an unnecessarily high value on the consumerism of it all. From the beginning of the Black Friday sales to the Boxing Day, New Year sales. There’s this immense pressure to spend and live our lives in such high energy to the point we become so burnt out from it all that we need another holiday just to recover from the holiday season. 😆 It is a perfect time of year, for those who have been separated from each other to come together and celebrate – but we often lose sight of the deep emotions of what it is to be connected to those we love. It can easily become competition of who has achieved the most in the last year, what materialistic possessions we have accumulated or even a competition of who has had the most negative experience of their lives. We can become so involved in the high emotions; we forget what it truly means to be together. To be in company and resonance with those we love and adore. To feel the elating vibrations of lifting each other up in the celebration of being here, being present and having the opportunity to experience life. Over the last few years, at home we have dialled down our celebrations and kept it small. Almost a hibernation and energy renewal. As both myself and my husband navigate the changes and growth in our relationship, we become more aware of our triggers around the holiday period and the need to heal. Discovering all the things that do take time. We have a blended family, my husband has a son from a previous marriage, whom I have known for more than half of his life. Yet, each Christmas holidays, it doesn’t get easier. Yet another repressed trauma rears its head, and we are compelled to messily navigate it with high functioning nervous systems. Unfortunately, my hubby experienced a significant emotional trauma at Christmas many years ago. He subconsciously knew things with his previous marriage were amiss, but was left clueless to the extent, and it completely feel a part at Christmas. This event completely tore his heart apart as he was forced to separate from his young son and spend that time alone and unsupported. This has played out over the years as a mistrust for misunderstandings, and a significant fear of abandonment from those he cherishes. Myself, in my late teens, I lost someone very close to me in the weeks leading up to Christmas. It was shattering and ultimately heartbreaking. I found myself in a place so alone I didn’t know what to do, that I numbed out. I blocked out all the good things we are supposed to experience at this time of year and that emotional response has been with me for more than 10+ years. For me, unfortunately I was surrounded by family who already had their own unresolved traumas, that they were unable to help me – this was where my own response was learnt. It was encouraged to just bury deep that which hurts and pretend that it never happened. I didn’t realise it until this past year, that the strain on my health and the cause of my overactive nervous system is this trapped emotional, ancestral, and generational trauma. That I haven’t allowed my body to process the emotions. To cry it out, to let my body feel and experience what it is to hurt and to allow it to strengthen my resolve. As much as I feel some shame and embarrassment around sharing, because I feel what I should be sharing is all the warm fuzzy, fluffy stuff. But being with my husband has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life. I have never been involved with someone that has made me cry so much in my life. However, I don’t hold any resentment or accountability to him for that. I am thankful. It has challenged me emotionally, given me the opportunity to process and move stuck emotions from my body. To question why certain things have triggered me and why I allowed myself to be triggered and respond with the conflict I did. This conflict and cycles we travel have given us the freedom to communicate openly and build a stronger understanding of each other’s life experiences from alternative perspectives. In the previous years, we used to use this time of year to drink excessively, to remove ourselves from processing what has been rising inside of us and numb out from the reminders that caused us each deep pain. As we have grown together and helped each other heal, we have successfully removed some of these patterns of numbing out. The both of us are more than one year sober from alcohol. To the point, even thinking of having more than a couple in celebration makes us feel nauseous. Which is huge for us, as before we met each other, we both had our own reputations to go hard. These times are still entertaining to reflect on as they did provide some great moments in our lives as well as some great life lessons. And I’m sure our children will get some great laughs out of our unfortunate, drunk antics. I feel it’s important to share this story and our experience with the holiday season. With today’s pressure to keep up to date with social media and sharing all that is good in our lives. We tend to filter out all that is REAL. We keep the hard conversations, the breakdowns, the unfortunate circumstances, the messy stuff to ourselves because we fear being judged or shamed by our peers. It is disappointing that we have cultivated a culture of trying to show and share only our ‘best bits’. Admittedly, our family takes this time to have a pause from social media and allow ourselves to be present with our children. To be supportive of what is showing up for them and actively taking part in creating the real memories. Life is hard. It is designed to be challenging. How can we truly learn without overcoming the obstacle? When we learn to walk, we fall numerous times. It is just the way of it. New movements and motions take practice. Newfound awareness and emotions take time and patience to process. Everything starts small, just like a seed. It needs many elements and the right conditions to germinate. Then the same again to develop roots. Then it waits for the right season to breach the soil and start growing towards the sunshine, sometimes pausing to rest and go dormant, preparing its energy for the next cycle of growth. Finding our way back to ourselves takes time. Letting go of what is holding us back takes courage. I believe if I wasn’t so persistent with my marriage, myself and our relationship wouldn’t be where it is. We have given each other so many outs. The opportunity to leave it and move on. But we both know, this conflict within us and the emotional baggage we carry will stay with us and show itself again and again in any future friendships, relationships, and situations until we resolve it. Every holiday period has had its challenges, resulting in both of us being triggered by our own experiences and then triggering each other’s trauma. It is extremely tough in the lead up to this time of year; we almost wish we could avoid it all together. The outside family, social and societal expectations, the financial obligations, and the energetic stress that happens when we integrate. All of this proves to us, how important it is to build our own energetic boundaries, to sit with the feelings. To lean into the discomfort and focus on the wellbeing of our authentic selves. When we embrace that which is true to us, we involve ourselves in magic. We see the light in our immediate interactions that the sparks that ignite in those we connect with. We are on a journey, slow as it might be, to use this holiday season to connect deeper with ourselves. To take time out from our everyday lives and let go of that which no longer energetically serves us. It is a decisive time for us to reflect upon what is truly important to exist in our lives. An opportunity to see where we need to shift, to echo our hearts desires and souls’ intentions and plan accordingly. To be the leaders and inspiration to our children. To show them, that even when so much can change in the world, you can be humble and authentically you. That we can still be a part of the holiday hype and celebrations and have a place to come back to earth to. That our hearts are the safe container to foster in positive change. I would love to know, How does the holidays season affect you, if at all? What shows up for you repeatedly and does it ever bring a change in perspective? Share in the comments. Thank you for being here and reading along. Much love, Sharai Xx

What happens when you have a spiritual awakening whilst in a relationship? Many of us have this impression that we cannot have true self growth unless we are alone and unattached. That we must experience some form of suffering, so we can know what it is like to come out of the other side. The truth of it is, it honestly does not matter what is going on in our outer world for our inner world to change. The outer will no doubt be of significant influence, but it is not the everything or catalyst for it all. In my own experience, my involvement in relationships have been the outer world catalyst for my own spiritual growth. It has been the drive to really look within a matter and ask myself the difficult questions. Questions like, is my reaction to this situation the cause of our disharmony? How can I change my own energy and perception to result in a different outcome. Although, a lot of these reflections did not come until well after the relationship had dissolved. I can look back any of the friendships and relationships that I have had and say to myself, I could have handled that situation so much better. Or that my reaction to something was exaggerated because I felt uncomfortable with the possible realisation that I was the catalyst to the disharmony. I lacked the confidence and accountability to own my behaviour. Unfortunately, through the influence of our society and our parents’ upbringing, we are encouraged that it is okay to simply give up on meaningful relationships because it’s no longer a vibe. If I gave up or chose not to lean into the challenging times that is my marriage, I don’t believe I would have had the immeasurable soul growth I’ve had over the last couple of years. There are more times than I can imagine, where it has crossed my mind where I have not felt my worth and that if I did not have the commitment I have, that my worth would be rewarded elsewhere. It took experiencing that doubt for me to now understand that no person outside of myself can offer my own worth to me. They can no more value me than by the measure I value myself. I’ve learnt it is about energetic mirrors. The reflections of frequency and energy we project and the method of how we interact with our relationships. Once I realised this was how the energy works, I started testing the theory. I changed my own energy. I started doing the inner work and committed to showing up for myself, with balanced feminine and masculine energy. What I found was it started coming back, I began to value my own worth with confidence. It has been a slow process. As I have been moving through the motions of healing my own wounds and inner trauma, I have been subconsciously reflecting that it is possible for those I converse and interact with too. Sometimes simply showing up for yourself and proving something is possible is enough to spark a light with someone watching your progress quietly. Taking ownership for our behaviour in relationships is a challenging task for our ego. For some it may require great effort to be humble, others it may be simple, but once we find the path, it does get easier. It becomes second nature – this is the power of trusting our intuition. When we are awakening ourselves, and experiencing our spiritual growth, it is important to be reminded that the people we most care about are not always going to be supportive. Nor will they understand, and even their love and care may waver. And that IS okay. Their path is not your path. Theirs may cross or travel parallel to yours, but theirs will never be the exact same. Allow yourself to be open to the opportunity that certain people are meant to be where they are at that moment of time in your life for a greater reason than what you may realise at the time. Part of our awakening is to create ripples, that eventually turn into waves and even tsunamis. It is to shake up the funk, the energy, the vibration that has remained stagnant within us. But as we experience this awakening, it is also reminder that if you are in committed relationship, that the path you start walking isn’t the excuse to use to give up what you have already built. Relationships grow. Sure, relationships can grow apart but they can also grow together – if you allow it. I have found, in my previous experience, what I let grow apart and left unresolved, only showed up in the next relationship or friendship. It was the universe’s way of telling me I had an obstacle within myself I had to address. The more I allow myself to step into my spiritual embodiment, my inner goddess, my sacred feminine, the more I allow balance to resolve itself within my own relationship with my husband. I create the space for him to step into his own enlightenment at his own pace. It is not a verbal or physical contract, but an energetic one. I admit, it’s not easy sometimes. A lot of times it is actually quite challenging. We struggle with communication, and we quite quickly reflect each other’s discomforts and troubles, putting the blame of the source of it all on each other. When I can allow myself the time to step outside of our container, I can objectively see that I am pushing my own troubles on him and he feels discomfort from it all and vice versa. When I can overcome my own ego and fears and show up for him and communicate honestly, the energy settles, and we connect. We are then able to find ourselves in a place where we can talk about the heart of our troubles and realise that we truly did not know or understand what was the cause of the upset. I see this scenario unfold in a lot of relationships and friendships, be one or both parties keep pushing their own troubles and trauma on the other with the expectation that they’re the ones to just know what is going and miraculously resolve the issue without any work or acknowledgement that it has happened. We can lack the gratitude, authentic intent and honesty that everyone deserves. Understandably, if you are finding yourself in a toxic or unsafe environment, there are times when leaving a friendship or relationship is the right move to make. When you go through the motions, be sure to consider that it is not only one person that encouraged that environment. It takes more than one party to facilitate that frequency. It can be that we’re functioning from trapped emotional bodies, traumatic experiences, lack of personal boundaries, lack of positive influence in the early part of our lives. But also remember that these are not reasons to stay. It is a key responsibility to look after yourself first and once your cup is full, then hold space for others. Hold back your ego to fix the scenario, the only way you can truly is “fix” is to be whole within yourself and shine THAT light towards those that were encouraging you to dim it or smother it all together. Waking up in our time today has so many hurdles that it feels almost a near impossible feat to accomplish. There are a lot of people and energies out there trying to cash in on the trend and misleading those who are only just opening their eyes. To try and bring them back into the fold of the veil. And finding authentic relationships can be even harder. What I wanted to share through this post, was my experience as I find myself, as buried deep as she has been. That the more my true, authentic self, starts to come back to the surface, that the meaningful relationship come back too. You can feel the energy grow, swirl and it feels nurturing. I appreciate so much the immense soul growth I have had the opportunity to experience through this marriage, with the addition of being a stepparent and becoming a mother of our own children, there has been such a test of identity. A huge test of resolve. If I was experiencing this awakening whilst on my own, I would have jumped and made many leaps, and probably experienced a lot more failure. However, moving through this in a relationship, it has provided me with reason to pause and reflect. To really consider the worth and weight behind the actions and to who it will really benefit. I feel this has given me a value in myself I never really knew I had. I would love to know, how have you experienced or are you currently experiencing your spiritual awakening? And what gems has it provided you thus far? Share in the comments. Love Sharai xx Cover image from @tarnellisart - be sure to check out her Etsy page.

How do you show up for yourself? By that, I mean, when do you stand strong in your truth and embrace the entirety of who you are. To share that with your friends, your family, work colleagues and those chance connections? Along the journey of finding my way back to myself, I am really beginning to realise how much I have not been showing up for myself. This could come down to so many different factors; like moving to the other side of the country without any support or local connections, becoming a mother and experiencing a huge identity shift, find place in the workplace when so much in surrounding society has changed. To pin it down to one experience would be near impossible, but they have all be detours that have placed me in situations that have challenged my resolve, my health, and my wellbeing. Overall, I have so much gratitude for these experiences as they would not have guided me to the place where I am right now. They would not have had the opportunity to bring me reflection on how far I have come, and the reassurance of the direction I am going. It has been well over 10 years since I have truly done something to nurture my own worth. To grow my understanding of the workings of the world and embrace the joy that is my birthright. As I step back into study, that little spark deep inside of me that has been quietly flickering away is now excited that it has been rediscovered. I am constantly having these reflections of how could I forget the magic of this? And then I remember, I did what we all do at some point in our lives. We get caught up in the whirlwind of the modern-day expectations. These experiences aren’t all for naught though, they are part of our soul contracts to increase our awareness and challenge our perceptions. To prepare our hearts for what is to come. The more I let go of the fawning, the people pleasing, the need to meet others’ expectations before my own, the dimming of our light to keep peace and reduce awkwardness with others, and the denial of the song my heart craves to sing, to more I feel myself coming home. The whispers of my intuition become louder, and it’s clear I am out of practice of how to tune in. I am excited for what this next step of the journey is to bring. The discovery of the forgotten knowledge that is available to me in my cells. My genetic code. My essence and connection to Source. It is a strength that I am slowly conditioning to become my own source of personal power. To re-build my own foundations of what I know to be true within myself. To trust that knowledge. To have the faith to really show up for it. I am realising and learning the lesson that all I have dreamed about and wished for myself has always been within my reach. That the jealousy of others or disappointment I may have held for them are roadblocks to my potential of abundance. They are the generational conditioning that I have been convinced I had to hide for fear of being weird or embarrassing those who were close to me. To more I step into this space, the more I realise that the people I had to rein myself in from, or dim my light around, never truly wanted to see me succeed. Whether that is a response from their own conditioning or a mirror for my own behaviour, it has been that thorn in my side or that badge of hurt I have carried around for who knows how long but now is the time that I let it go. I know that by letting go these limiting beliefs and holding my own hand and heart that the people who want to be apart of my sunshine will be drawn towards me. They will not miss the chance to be a part of my tribe. By honouring and embodying my uniqueness, I bring an offer to the table that has never existed before. Sure, to some it may look the same as others, and in truth it might, but the delivery will be different. The essence of it will be like no other and that acknowledgement is what makes all the difference. By stepping towards my light and showing up for myself, I am giving permission to all those souls around me that have questioned themselves and their own truth. That it is perfectly acceptable to be where you are right now. To be in a struggle and express it, to be happy and show it, to be full of rage and share it, to be full of love and embrace it. In my experience so far, as I find my way back to myself, the synchronicities are really starting to present themselves. My conversations with my peers are showing impact because my authentic energy is present. I am not pretending to be someone else. If you sit with that last statement. I am not pretending to be someone else. Can you think back to a time, even if it was a recent as today where you interacted with someone and felt they weren’t very trustworthy. That their energy felt ‘off’ or the language they used seemed really jarring. This is the distortion of their own frequency. Their heart and soul trying to communicate one thing and their mind expressing a conflicting resolve. They are not showing up for themselves and their personal vibrations are clashing and creating an energetic mess. When we are true within ourselves, we can recognise that the receiving of this energy as ‘unsafe’. Our intuition guides us not to believe, or to question the intent behind the individual. But we must remember that this chaos and energy mess is not an intentional response on their part. We have the potential within ourselves to bring harmony to the chaos with our own energy. When we are connected to the truth and entirety of who we are, our frequency is stronger, and we can use that to influence those around us. To bring the light to the shadows we occasionally retreat to. I am finding the more I surrender, the more I start to show up for myself. The more I see beyond what I was seeing. The more I let go of the influence of my generational ideals, the more I can sense the truth of my own. I can forgive the people in my family who have gone before me, I can allow them the grace that they did what they could with the tools provided them, and that they have provided the most powerful tool to me possible, the knowledge of their experience. With this, I can embrace my own experiences in life thus far and allow it to be the fire needed to ignite my spirit in this way. The allowance, the permission to be a creatrix in this new paradigm. To be a voice, a leader, a visionary. To offer the permission of forgiveness to ourselves and those of most influence in our lives. To offer the opportunity and permission to heal. That when we truly embrace all the magick that we are, that when we are fully showing up not only for ourselves, but for Source and our reason for being. We bring about the raise in vibration and energy shift that the world, the universe needs right now. I would love to know, what measures are you putting in place to show up for yourself, to show the world who you are? Share in the comments. Much love, Sharai xx

Automatic Writing is something that I probably don’t practice enough. It is the process of sitting and letting your mind just write, without thinking about the content. Letting the words flow. You could describe it as channelled thought or divine wisdom, connection to higher self. I find it is the time I find the best revelations and reminders. It is the thoughts that my mind is constantly trying to whisper to me, but for whatever reason, the surrounding noise is too loud that it drowns the whispers out. I find it helpful to do this at times I feel stagnant and stuck. Unsure about my current direction or a choice I must make. It’s helpful notes t hat when I read them back to myself, I feel the support of my intuition behind the words. I’d love to know, do you practice automatic writing and in what way? Here’s an example of a quick 10 mins I had to let the pen flow… Change is coming. The transition right now will be challenging but the reward will be more than you ever dreamed. Allow the time to sit with yourself. Allow the time to just breathe. In the cycles of energy, you can’t keep skipping one to get to the next, eventually it will come back to you, to force you to take action on it. Flow with what is showing up for you right now. See it for the lessons and soul nourishment that it is. When you can allow yourself to surrender to what is happening in your surroundings, you will be finding the happiness that is showing through. Filling your own cup so you have enough spill over for those need your comfort and time. Trust in that what is happening is for your own greater good. To prepare and reward you for the amazingness that is about to land. Open your arms wide enough to receive, place your heart in the energy oof gratitude. It WILL come. How does this flow of writing resonate with you? Share in the comments. Much Love, Sharai xx

Emotional vulnerability and Personal Power. As I have worked through all the challenges that have presented themselves over the last little while, the more I realise all the blocks I have placed upon myself. The toxic coping mechanisms which have kept me in a frustrated place where I have struggled to make progress and move forward many areas of my life. When you really start to breathe deep and lean into them, it is easy to discover that these blocks are those we create to protect ourselves at time when we may have not been capable of finding a resolution. Our body creates them so we can revisit them at a time when we are emotionally capable of processing these events. Take yourself back to a moment when your response to an event was a clear over-reaction for what happened. You know the way it was handled was over the top, but you can’t place your finger on the reason why. This is the typical triggered response to a trapped, unprocessed emotion. It is highly likely that somewhere back in your childhood there was a situation or small event where you reacted, but either that reaction wasn’t acknowledged or suppressed. How many times do we hear the saying to children “stop crying, there’s no need for it”. This is how the body responds to excess emotions and regulates itself. If we supress this reaction, it gets stored for a later release. Or simply repressed for their entirety of their life. How often have you experienced in your life, the need to cry and or simply shed a tear as you respond to a difficult or challenging situation? Instead of allowing our bodies to respond emotionally, we convince ourselves it is not acceptable and we stash that feeling away, building up dysregulation and resentment to similar future experiences. Myself, I have been doing this practice for a long time. Stashing away and burying deep my need for validation for my emotions. This has been an active participant to manifesting my auto-immune conditions, and it is only now I am realising the power of working through emotional blocks and the benefits of breaking them down is having upon the self-regulation of my nervous system. As I have done the hard inner work, I have come to the realisation that a lot of the resistance to my emotional vulnerability has come from my family conditioning. Both my mother and I suspect my grandmother have carried unresolved emotional traumas with them for a large portion of their lives. Where they have experienced highly emotional events and rather than having their responses validated and acknowledged, they have supressed them, carrying a resentfulness towards anyone who tries to open that wound. The are similar events that have played out in my life that were also present in my mothers and it is through this need to connect with her, that I have realised just how ingrained this wound is. As soon as I bring up these difficult situations with her, her initial response is to shut it down and disengage. Being an adult now, I can recognise this behaviour repeated in my grandmother. It is a generational trauma, where we have not been allowed the space to really experience the full fledge emotions. And it is now, at this shift in time, I am breaking this cycle. I owe a lot of this breaking to my husband. Without the love and challenging struggles, I wouldn’t have had the chance to be so completely affected, questions and vulnerable. Even after losing a partner to cancer, that loss was hard. But I never allowed myself to be emotional about it. Having heart-breaks after that, I shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I would have to say that this relationship and all its turbulence of balancing a blended family, each of us carrying our own collection of small traumas, illnesses and navigating a complete world social change, I have cried my little heart out. And it has been the therapy I needed. When we release emotion through our body, I believe we truly allow our body to let go and process the information objectively and from a place of love. We can see what has happened, what is happening is for the growth of our souls. To check us that we are truly here living this reality, in all colours of the rainbow. I also believe that part of this generational mentality of it not being acceptable for anyone to be so messily emotional, is the modern-day patriarchal thought that these things should be experienced behind closed doors. No matter if you lean towards the feminine or masculine experience of life, to be emotional, is to lose your personal power. I call BULLSH*T on that right now. The more I move my body to embracing the sacred feminine, her anger, her rage, her desire, her pleasure, her love. I realise how empowering that is not only for myself, but the men I support. For the man I share my love and heart with, when I step into my sacred feminine, embracing my ancestral powers of wisdom and nurturing, I open a space for him to expand. For him to have place that is safe to feel the extent of his emotions and be held in comfort, an opportunity where he can grow and step more into his masculine power. When there is balance from both sides, there is an unstoppable energy, an increase in vibration and collaboration of personal power to accomplish and overcome any adversity. I want to share with you that it is perfectly acceptable to let go of those sensitive, messy emotions. To cry out the hard times and feel better for it. To allow ourselves to be completely emotionally vulnerable and generate an abundance of personal power from it. This is your permission slip. Your granted opportunity to recognise the self-imposed blocks upon yourself. To release them to the wind, the ocean, the fire, the earth. Embrace them whole heartedly. To nurture your emotions, all of them, with the love and acknowledgement they deserve. I would love to know how this short piece of writing has hit and resonated with you. Share in the comments below. Until the next sharing of sunshine. Sharai xx Cover photo by abhishek gaurav on Unsplash