My journey has been about following my heart and finding balance.
Finding the alignment within my soul – my inner being to my outer being.
It has encouraged me to dive deep within my inner knowing and question why I believe what I do.
This thought of FORGE, NOT FOLLOW has showed up repeatedly over the last little while. In conversations, oracle cards, and generally topics that I’ve been randomly been listening to on podcasts.
I believe this is the universe, my highest self, whispering to me. It’s the voice of my inner knowing, my intuition, that this is the purpose to my path.
My journey in life thus far has been a windy one.
I thought my childhood was pretty normal, with the usual things that a young girl experiences in here lifetime, but then again, we really only remember the good parts. The turbulent emotions and the scenarios that drove them were left unresolved and buried deep within my emotional body. Only to be replayed out at a later time with the hope of some resolution.
Instead, the emotional response was repeated – much to the confusion of myself and all those involved and again buried deep.
It’s not really until you hit that moment in your life, as an adult and on a healing journey that you realise how emotionally fucked up you are.
It’s not to put the blame on my upbringing, but rather the inability and lack of education to adequately handle life’s situations better. And when you become a parent – all of these buried deep feelings resurface real fast.
I could objectively say that most adults are unable to recognise their reactions for unresolved emotions and trauma within the body. They easily assume this is part of the right of passage and rather than address pain, discomfort, anxiety, it becomes smothered and numb under the influence of medications and addictions. Laughing it off as “I suffer from…”.
Suffering is not a normal state of being. It is the bodies alarm bells ringing as loud as it knows how. For you to have some awareness that what is going on within you, isn’t right.
I have “suffered” a lot in the means of chronic health issues. And after feeling like much of it was to be left unresolved by the professionals we’re supposed to have faith in, my approach really heading into a holistic direction.
I have embraced eastern therapies (because you know there’s thousands of years of evidence there…), and realised that somatic approaches are the key to unlocking and understanding our true potential.
When you really begin to dig deep on it, it all just makes so much sense.
The trapped emotions in me, stem from times when I was unable to process my emotions in the
way that my body knew how. Many scenarios I have been able to sit and meditate on, reflecting back that I moderated my reactions and even squashed them completely, because I didn’t want to hurt someone or damage their opinion of me. I let my ego rule.
Even as a child, I know I held a lot of emotion back because it felt unsafe to do so, that what I was feeling was unjust and triggered the people I had hoped would maintain that safety.
As I have slowly started to work through these things, I realise I am only scratching the surface of what I have been conditioned and allowed the suppression of. The more that I unravel from within myself, working through the knots, the more I feel my heart lighten. The more I feel a sense of coming home and coming back to myself.
It is slowly a reconnecting with someone I have always known is there with me, but we’ve never really communicated and the conversations we have are electric. They light each other of us up.
And with this inner dialogue with myself, I begin to heal.
Not only that, I heal the relationships around me. Directly and indirectly.
It is proving a reminder that I am my own being. That I am in this existence to be present with every fibre of my soul. To know that I walk to the beat of my own drum.
To hold influence over nobody else but myself. To forge that path before me. To break the generational cycles of emotional despondency and questioning of our hearts. To make it clear – that the power that comes from this journey is my own. Not taken from anyone or given away to please. What I share, I share freely with goodwill.
I feel like that the last 15 years of my life have been the best rollercoaster ride I could have asked for. If I had known what I was going to be experiencing – for sure, I would have said nup, I don’t need that. But in all honesty, it has been the best soul food to embrace this next evolution of my soul.
Levelling up soul relationships is hard, I am not going to lie. Holding and growing in intimate relationships – especially with the unrealistic expectations our society holds today has been a challenge. But I am here knowing that whole heartedly, I am here to grow. I am here to experience and learn.
To learn not to take every experience so seriously, with expectation, or with result. To learn to enjoy the ride. Enjoy the rollercoaster.
I have said it many times before and I will more than likely say it many times more – everything in life happens for a reason.
Whether it be for karma or kriya.
Every experience is here to expand our hearts and souls. It is how we choose to interpret that experience that influences our perceived quality and enjoyment of life.
All that matters is how I show up. Do I show up with grace and love, or jealousy and resentment?
That is the path that I get to forge. MY choice in how my soul shows up in this existence.
Some days it is a tough resolve to maintain, but I know that the more I show up in a state of mind of kriya and surrender. The more I fall into flow.
The more I allow the good things to take hold in my energy field.
So, here’s the part that I ask, where has your experience and journey of life taken you thus far?
Much Love,
Sharai xx
Comments