Emotional vulnerability and Personal Power.
As I have worked through all the challenges that have presented themselves over the last little while, the more I realise all the blocks I have placed upon myself.
The toxic coping mechanisms which have kept me in a frustrated place where I have struggled to make progress and move forward many areas of my life.
When you really start to breathe deep and lean into them, it is easy to discover that these blocks are those we create to protect ourselves at time when we may have not been capable of finding a resolution.
Our body creates them so we can revisit them at a time when we are emotionally capable of processing these events.
Take yourself back to a moment when your response to an event was a clear over-reaction for what happened. You know the way it was handled was over the top, but you can’t place your finger on the reason why. This is the typical triggered response to a trapped, unprocessed emotion. It is highly likely that somewhere back in your childhood there was a situation or small event where you reacted, but either that reaction wasn’t acknowledged or suppressed.
How many times do we hear the saying to children “stop crying, there’s no need for it”. This is how the body responds to excess emotions and regulates itself. If we supress this reaction, it gets stored for a later release. Or simply repressed for their entirety of their life.
How often have you experienced in your life, the need to cry and or simply shed a tear as you respond to a difficult or challenging situation? Instead of allowing our bodies to respond emotionally, we convince ourselves it is not acceptable and we stash that feeling away, building up dysregulation and resentment to similar future experiences.
Myself, I have been doing this practice for a long time.
Stashing away and burying deep my need for validation for my emotions. This has been an active participant to manifesting my auto-immune conditions, and it is only now I am realising the power of working through emotional blocks and the benefits of breaking them down is having upon the self-regulation of my nervous system.
As I have done the hard inner work, I have come to the realisation that a lot of the resistance to my emotional vulnerability has come from my family conditioning. Both my mother and I suspect my grandmother have carried unresolved emotional traumas with them for a large portion of their lives. Where they have experienced highly emotional events and rather than having their responses validated and acknowledged, they have supressed them, carrying a resentfulness towards anyone who tries to open that wound.
The are similar events that have played out in my life that were also present in my mothers and it is through this need to connect with her, that I have realised just how ingrained this wound is. As soon as I bring up these difficult situations with her, her initial response is to shut it down and disengage.
Being an adult now, I can recognise this behaviour repeated in my grandmother. It is a generational trauma, where we have not been allowed the space to really experience the full fledge emotions. And it is now, at this shift in time, I am breaking this cycle.
I owe a lot of this breaking to my husband. Without the love and challenging struggles, I wouldn’t have had the chance to be so completely affected, questions and vulnerable. Even after losing a partner to cancer, that loss was hard. But I never allowed myself to be emotional about it. Having heart-breaks after that, I shrugged my shoulders and moved on.
I would have to say that this relationship and all its turbulence of balancing a blended family, each of us carrying our own collection of small traumas, illnesses and navigating a complete world social change, I have cried my little heart out. And it has been the therapy I needed.
When we release emotion through our body, I believe we truly allow our body to let go and process the information objectively and from a place of love. We can see what has happened, what is happening is for the growth of our souls. To check us that we are truly here living this reality, in all colours of the rainbow.
I also believe that part of this generational mentality of it not being acceptable for anyone to be so messily emotional, is the modern-day patriarchal thought that these things should be experienced behind closed doors. No matter if you lean towards the feminine or masculine experience of life, to be emotional, is to lose your personal power.
I call BULLSH*T on that right now.
The more I move my body to embracing the sacred feminine, her anger, her rage, her desire, her pleasure, her love. I realise how empowering that is not only for myself, but the men I support. For the man I share my love and heart with, when I step into my sacred feminine, embracing my ancestral powers of wisdom and nurturing, I open a space for him to expand. For him to have place that is safe to feel the extent of his emotions and be held in comfort, an opportunity where he can grow and step more into his masculine power. When there is balance from both sides, there is an unstoppable energy, an increase in vibration and collaboration of personal power to accomplish and overcome any adversity.
I want to share with you that it is perfectly acceptable to let go of those sensitive, messy emotions. To cry out the hard times and feel better for it.
To allow ourselves to be completely emotionally vulnerable and generate an abundance of personal power from it.
This is your permission slip. Your granted opportunity to recognise the self-imposed blocks upon yourself. To release them to the wind, the ocean, the fire, the earth. Embrace them whole heartedly.
To nurture your emotions, all of them, with the love and acknowledgement they deserve.
I would love to know how this short piece of writing has hit and resonated with you. Share in the comments below.
Until the next sharing of sunshine.
Sharai xx
Cover photo by abhishek gaurav on Unsplash
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