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Challenging situations arise to check us. To be sign posts. To encourage us that we are going in the right direction. You know you are making way when you come through something that felt so horrible at the time, but when it was over, your heart and soul feels more expansive. Over the last couple of years, the world has certainly given us enough food for thought and challenging situations to overcome. I know for some; they may wish that the last couple of years never happened. It was a universal move that threw them into to the dark and whispered, find your own way out. I’ve seen some suffer immensely, and they play the merry-go-round of victim mentality. Why me? why now? And at some point, as they travelled around in circles, they looked away from what was directly in front of them and saw in their peripheral, a slither of light, and opportunity. So, I ask you, did you get curious and change the direction of your vision? Or did you simply shrug it off and go back to chasing your own tail? The last couple of years for myself, and my family have been years of a significant shift. A shift in thought, mentality, and energy. We’ve been struggling (and we still are) to survive. We’ve been locked into generational conditioning that is no longer relevant to this moment’s circumstances. We have ignored and pushed down our intuitive thinking to be a part of mass formation thoughts and wondered why things aren’t working for us. This is not to say that we are victims, I truly believe our souls choose the circumstances of our lifetimes even before we born. Our souls mapped out our life’s challenges to learn lessons that may have been missed in previous lifetimes, or to prepare us for current and future lifetimes. These challenges are designed to allow us growth if we choose to see these lesson objectively. I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without some of the lessons and hard discoveries I’ve experienced. I would not be able to share and impart my knowledge or support those around me in the way I can now without it. At any time through my 35 years of life thus far, I could have thrown my arms in the air and said it was all too hard. I could have asked (or expected) someone else to fix my problems and then wondered why their answers never worked. Shifting the blame to them and feeling angry and resentful for all that has befallen me. However, I choose to sit with it all. Not all at once, but bite sized pieces when I felt ready to start processing. Some of these obstacles, my character and my emotional body were not ready to handle, and as a result I have been carrying around these experiences for 20+ years. That’s a long time to leave something unresolved. And at some point, it must come out. This where I think the last couple of years, have been beneficial for many and their own soul growth. It has been a truly monumental shift in energy, albeit forced for some, but a thankful one to allow the opportunity and time to find ourselves. To reconnect with what is truly important. The important things aren’t the material things. It’s the experience and the emotional understanding, it is the connection not only to ourselves and our intuition but the connection to our family and community around us. For us as a family, we’ve experienced so much emotional turmoil. Primarily myself and my husband, as we’ve navigated our own relationship, our friendship and its growth, the emotional growth and maturity of our three boys, and within all of that we’ve realised the challenge of doing our own inner work. When we become conflicted within ourselves, we begin to reflect our inner unrest on others. We can begin to believe that the other is the one causing the conflict, when truly it is a mirror for ourselves. The hardest thing has been seeing this challenge for what it is. A signpost that this is now the time to let go of any uncertainties we have held on to within. To let go of our emotional resistance from past traumas and experiences. To know that this is our time to step in the flow and believe that we are worthy. The influence of our generational upbringing has had us convinced that to succeed in this lifetime, we need to check off boxes in a particular order. That we cannot measure “life” success until this has been achieved. But what happens once we have checked all the boxes, and we looked back and realised we cheated ourselves out of experiencing so much magic? All for the societal influence of our modern world? The last couple of years, months, weeks, days and hours have taught me what it truly means to rise to a challenge. To breathe through a tough moment, feel my heart rate rise and fall, and feel a sense of expansion if I lean into the discomfort. This is when I know I am on the right path. Going in the right direction. And today, to bring clarity to a challenging experience I had this morning, I saw this quote. “You don’t always attract what you are. You sometimes attract people who are in desperate need of what you are.” This does not necessarily mean people; it can be situations. We could walk around thinking we are all love and light, and only wanting to attract that in return. Because who needs consistent darkness in their life? But the true gift of believing in the experience of love and light, is sharing it with those who are in desperate need of it. I know I can reflect back to many times in my life where I was in a super dark place (as some may refer to a dark night of the soul experience) and I had a chance opportunity where I was attracted to someone who brought momentary sunshine to my life. And that was enough to change my direction of thought and overcome whatever reality I was living at the time. I honestly, whole heartedly believe the struggles I have lived have been pre-planned by my divine self as opportunity to grow and be of service to this new paradigm that is evolving at this time in our evolution. I want to share with you all my experiences, my thoughts, my insights, my ancestral wisdom. I want to share and encourage all those around me, that you too can shine authentically. As much as I am learning how to do this myself, and each day it feels like a challenge to show up in this way, it feels expansive. It feels heart warming that what I did not know yesterday, I will have the opportunity to learn tomorrow. That I can share my vision to grow the landscape of what it is to connect with ourselves, our hearts and to tap into your innate wisdom. And I am glad, even if it is only one person that reads this post, that even by putting this out in the world, that the vibrational energy of it is contributing to the collective. No matter how small our input, it has the power to make big waves. So, for now, please, trust that what is showing up for you is there to push and challenge you. It is a signpost to pivot. That whatever you are doing, isn’t working, it might not be meant for you. If you feel constrictive, reach into yourself, and ask why? What is it that you are doing that makes you feel this way? Allow yourself to lean into the discomfort, swim in all the uncomfortable feelings of being lost. Surrender your will to the flow. You never know what experience will find itself present in your life, but how rewarding will it be knowing that you gave in, you let go, and found yourself in the most expansive, magical place you could possibly be in this current lifetime. If you would like to know more about overcoming obstacles and aligning yourself with your souls purpose, reach out to connect. Or follow me on Instagram @light.of.rai for some pearls of wisdom to light up your day. Sending peace and love from my heart to yours. Sharai xx

Don't be afraid to communicate your heart. Your words are wise, the truth of that is in the passion of which you speak. Have faith in your inner knowing, Trust that what you are being told, don't hold back from the fear of judgement. Those that want to hear, will listen. Even those that don't, can't deny the deep truth of it that ignites a frequency deep with in themselves. You are to spread your light, but don't be afraid to do so. Embrace your truth. Support others, and those who support you and your journey will come.

In recent months, we all seem to be hearing this phrase quite a bit. You hear about in the cycles of astrology, with the cycle of the seasons. Take the time to rest and recover. Allow yourself to heal to grow into your next evolution. You would be hearing it more than the average person if you’re on the path of healing or on a search to spiritual/soul enlightenment, or even working through past traumas. For someone who has been living in a cycle of chronic fatigue for almost fifteen years, it’s hard to enjoy the prospect of resting to recover. Because it’s all I’ve ever felt I’ve done. With fatigue, there’s the constant turning down of doing the things you want to engage in for not having the capacity or energy, or the other end (which I did a lot) you say yes, push it hard and then crash hard. Taking days and sometimes weeks to recover. On this journey, I have really come to realise how much our health afflictions are reflections of the blockages our enlightened inner beings are experiencing. Perhaps it’s the material I seem to be reading and listening to, or perhaps as I connect deeper with myself, the knowledge of my ancestors and their wisdom is slowly finding its way to the surface. Most recently, as I have come to be aware of some childhood trauma (only ‘small t’ trauma) I have been carrying around for a very long time, I feel like my body and mind have become lighter. They have shifted. Almost onto the next plane of awareness and existence. It’s only just noticeable but I see the difference. I see how important it was for me to experience all that I have. To spend all that time to “rest”. It allowed me the time to take the opportunity to reflect. To choose if I really did want change. I could have committed to the fact that being the bearer of illness is my story, it's my reason for being and the reason why I would never change. There is a large portion of our population continually to choose to live with this mentality. And I truly believe it is our job role, as we grow and shine our lights a little brighter and we find the answers within ourselves. That we bring insight to those stuck minds and an opening for them to explore the concept further. I have been resting (and pushing myself to exhaustion) for a long time. When I started offering the space of my thoughts to the universe. Clarity found its way to me. Through words and journalling. I supposed I have only just realised that this is source energy channelling through me with this assistance of my spirit guides. Right now, it is only the tiniest of openings. But it is enough that I want to experience more. It started to get my mind ticking. What is holding me back from reaching my highest potential? What blocks have I created for myself? Finding a medical practitioner that see’s healing from both a medical and spiritual sense is hard to find. The science is commonly mocked – mostly by those who don’t understand it. But it is out there. It is just very difficult to find. You can find snippets of its variances in all modes of health and wellness spaces. From chiropractors, naturopaths, dieticians, mental health wellness coaches, fitness professionals. They all know that when you heal one part of the mind – the body will follow. The proof is in the pudding now. Leading on from Louise Hay’s Heal Your Life concept, where she mapped individuals’ emotional experiences and interactions with the physical responses within the body, it was only a loose interpretation. German New Medicine (GNM) is the scientific and tested representation of it. Somewhat mocked in the conventional medicine channels, this thought-provoking idea that the limitations we place on our bodies is of our own limiting beliefs and the ancestral trauma we carry within our genetic makeup. When I stumbled across this concept, it really gave me pause to think. Are all the illnesses that I suffer connected to the emotional response of sometime experience growing up? As I allowed this thought to ponder during a meditation, I felt something inside me begin to unravel. It was the pulling of the thread that had stitched up my true connection to my heart. My ancient wisdom, my ancestral knowledge, my right to have the opportunity to step into who I am supposed to be? I fully respect that fact that our human bodies are amazing cellular machines. Created in such a manner that our “modern” science is still struggling to understand and contemplate all its nuances. If we can heal a cut, what else is our bodies capable of? It’s simply a matter of removing/breaking down the trauma, physical/ mental/ or emotional and allowing the amazing neurons to rebuild and recreate our existence. Imagine what amazing place the world would be if we trusted in our divine vessels. The recovering phase is going to be a long process. I have slowly been making changes, and the progress is slow. Having the patience of undoing years of abuse doesn’t happen overnight. Especially being female and the cyclic nature of our hormones. We have a rest and recover phase just in the space of a month or so that our bodies menstruate. I am trying to accept that changes to my body in the healing phase. Joints hurt, vessels are swelling, hormones are flaring, losing my hair, the weight gain and sleep cycles are disrupted. On the flip side to that, my energy levels are up, my skin is glowing, my nervous and adrenal systems are plateauing, and I’m finding it easier to regulate my body all round. Coming back or leading to this new transformed vessel won’t happen overnight (as much as I try and wish it would so I could fit into some of my favourite clothes again) I am forever thankful of the opportunity to discover new things about my personal power. It’s a step closer to feeling more connected to myself, my children, and my husband. It’s a knowing that I am deserving of all the good and abundant things that happen in life. That it is a step in the right direction. I am excited for what this shift must bring. Including the challenges because I believe that is how we truly learn to accept what our hearts already know. I feel like this went a little bit off topic for where I intended this post to go, but it was the information that wanted to be shared through my voice. I would love to hear more about your healing journeys so far, and if you have been through the rest and recover phase. In one big hit or repeatedly in small experience. Share in the comments below. Until next time, Sharing my love and light with you all. Sharai

I’ve just come back from a woman’s moon circle. And this time, there was just something so grounding and heart opening about it. It has been a while since I have been to this little gathering, I’d been putting off previous circles because of silly little things like the weather, the tide and because I just plain didn’t feel like it. But tonight, oh tonight there was just something willing for me to go. It was only a small group, and these women I hardly know but I felt held and connected. Holding space for each other under this Taurus full moon, with a total eclipse and a blood moon was just next level. I could feel this shift amongst us all, this epic levelling up in awareness and consciousness. And it is not for just us, it was for all our sisters. To raise our vibration collectively. In the past I have been fearful of committing and growing female friendships. They can be complex, but the more I unpack my ancestral conditioning, the more I realise it doesn’t have to be. I realise that somewhere in my ancestral line, directly with my mother, my aunties, her mother and from what I remember of my great-grandmother, there has been restriction. An inner conflict that they have never been allowed to express. A suppression of their divine gifts to nurture. It is like they got to a certain threshold and this unknown presence, said no, that’s enough. This is your limit. I’ve carried this around with me for such a large portion of my life. It is only now, as I work through these childhood and ancestral traumas seeking the dis-ease within myself and my maternal relationships that I begin to recognise the pattern in the disharmony. We’ve been held by limiting beliefs that we were not worthy to step fully into our purpose. To step fully into our light. I remember as a child, asking my mum what her passions were. She loved to create, she even studied at art school. But then she had children and the stigma for her, was that dream was to be put on hold and family life came first. Her societal conditioning repressed her from expressing her true self. I am thankful though, that she encouraged these creative traits in all of us as we grew up, and anyone who truly knows me would agree that I hold a creative flair. As I got older, I carried around this repression. A disconnection from myself and from deeply connecting with other girls. I believe this was the cellular translation of trauma that my mother experienced, complied on top of her own emotional trauma passed on from her mother. For a large portion of my life, my closet friends have been male. They were the people I confided in because I didn’t feel the same level of judgement as I did from confiding in females. My husband is still my truest confidant, but as my awareness and healing grows, I see the need to re-establish this connection with my sacred feminine. To re-discover my ancient womb wisdom. I am so thankful for the experiences in life that have led me to where I am today. I would not be the evolution of who I am without it. My feet wouldn’t have found the path of ancestral healing that my soul so craves. So, under this blood moon tonight, I let go of old patterns. I allowed myself to accept that it is okay to walk my own path, to find warmth and comfort and connection to my sisters. Knowing that they are walking right beside me. To break the bonds of mine and their ancestral linage, to allow the ones gone before us the opportunity to heal themselves, even if it is in spirit. If your heart has been asking questions, now is the time to start searching for the answers. This is a new and a profound sense of spiritual release for me, and I’m looking forward to what synchronicities will present themselves in these shifting times. If you feel like any of this has been resonating with you, let me know. I would love to hear your experiences with this cosmic shift. Loving you with the purest of intentions, Sharai Cover image from @emvielle

It is a hard pill to swallow when you realise, you’re not for everyone. I think I’ve always known that I am not for everyone. That there will be times in my life where I will encounter individuals who just won’t be in resonance with me, or even be in slight attunement. I know it will result in an uncomfortable and awkward experience. Hands up if you have already felt this? 🙋‍♀️ But rather than keeping our strong sense of self, we fawn, we appease, we dim our light to make those around us feel more comfortable. How many of you have done this? I have. More times than I can record because it became a second nature. Somewhere along the path in our history, our true souls were told to hide. To hide for fear of banishment, for our survival. It became a second nature. And you can look back into any social movement in history, where a different ideal was voiced, it was squandered and put out. To be ridiculed as dangerous or even as a lunatic. Even if the ideal had such a ring of truth, the minority that held the power, abused that power to guide a society for their own personal and collective gains. Your soul, living this human experience, was created to be uniquely you. To shine in your own unique light. The things that feel uncomfortable to you, or not in alignment, may bring the highest joy for another. For a large period of my life, I have been dimming my light. The pressures of social change through school years and trying to find my place amongst it all, as well as unknowingly wearing childhood trauma made navigating the discovery of myself an interesting journey. However, without all that experience, I would not have had the opportunity to learn the lessons my higher self was directing me to participate in. To discover the heart of who I am. I know the people I have crossed paths with over the years have seen glimpses of this heart. I, however, have had trouble believing it existed. I am still struggling to communicate and openly share my story; in the past I had found it easier to moderate and leave out details or just simply give a vague explanation of myself for fear of creating impact on someone else's response. Reflecting, I can see that this moderation wasn’t a representation of my authentic self. I created and built up a front, a deception that I showed even to my family. I can relate that on some level, my peers and family could sense it and without knowing the source of the deception, they created subconscious blocks to honesty connect with me. I essentially forced the degradation on my social and family environment by allowing my fears to control my expression of self. It is only now that I realise that I can certainly moderate and take ownership of the delivery of my voice and representation of my heart. That I should trust in my intuition and let it guide my voice. I know that I am not responsible for the response of how the message is perceived or not received by others. My voice, my heart, my sunshine won’t be for everyone. It will be too bright, too annoying, too confronting, too overwhelming for some, even too much of a shining light into the shadows of the things we try to hide from others, the things we are not ready to acknowledge. It might seem too harsh to say, or even careless of others’ emotions. Yet at what point do you draw the line? When do you allow yourself to set the boundary and say, this IS me, I’ve had enough of trying to please others to be an image of their expectations. I’ve learnt that this is the boundary I need to set for myself. Otherwise, I find myself in situations where I am taken advantage of, and my emotions are not respected and leave any interaction feeling deflated. As I grow in this journey, I feel like I am only ever scraping the surface of the universal knowledge available to me. Like a preppy, starting school for the first time, a baby learning to walk. It’s like ah-ha moment after ah-ha moment. And it’s exciting. When I experience this excitement, the butterflies happen, and I feel a closer connection to source energy. I literally can feel my frequency rising in vibration, and all in the energy around me. And it is a great reminder that this is step closer to finding myself. Connecting to my true, authentic self. It all its sun-shiny goodness. Some days it feels like a yo-yo. A flickering of the lights on and off. Some people I interact with in the dark, and some my highest light. I am learning that EVERYONE deserves my attention and interaction when I am focused and present within my light. I can recognise that within some people, the unfamiliarity and uncomfortable feelings swirling within them when I am truly stepping into my light, and their reaction can be negative, restrictive, abrupt, and abrasive. Nevertheless, in those moments when I have the courage and patience to maintain my light and the strength of it, I can see a small spark within them. From then on, I have experienced future interactions with them become easier and flow towards more favourable outcomes. Along with dimming my light, I hold a lot of imposter syndrome. I carry my childhood trauma of wanting to be liked, to be held in attention, to be recognised for my heart. The desire to be someone’s sunshine by any means possible. And it is that shifting of my sunshine, by any means, that I lost myself amongst all the facades and emotional blocks I built. To protect my ego, to keep my childhood heart safe when all I needed was someone to say, I’m here, I hear you. I have realised, particularly over the last few years since becoming a parent and navigating the emotional rollercoaster that is the development of children’s emotions, is recognising the triggers of my own trauma in my response. The things I’ve learnt in my journey have certainly helped me manoeuvre in difficult situations and use the language that I wanted to hear when I was younger to soothe the discomfort. I’m constantly learning about how to encourage not only my children, but importantly myself to embrace the core of who I am. To shine my light, to be authentically me, without moderating or hiding my emotional responses behind long encouraged shame and conditioned behaviours. It's a pretty profound thing to discover within yourself, that our thoughts truly have the power to lead us is any direction. And to start believing it. That our thoughts can be the catalyst of contraction or expansion. The reflection of our hearts in shadow or light. That sometimes we need a brighter light than our own to highlight what we cannot see amongst our shadows. It is this reminder, that one spark can start a wildfire, that fills me with courage to share my sunshine, the honest, wholeheartly baring of my soul to be that spark to every soul I meet. It could be a smoulder, a slow burn, or an ignition that bursts into flames. But knowing in my heart, that I was brave enough. That I worked it through and let go of my shame, my appeasing ways to stop dimming my light for the benefit of others discomfort. I recognise that this will be a process within itself, and it is one I am more than willing to commit to. On many occasions throughout my life, I was told (even by complete strangers) that my smile was contagious. That when it reached my eyes, it was warming and encouraged others to light up and smile in return. I want to recapture this part of myself, to bring it back. For it to be the simple reflection of my light that I can mirror back to everyone I encounter. To truly encourage that we are deserving of shining our lights at whatever frequency suits our soul’s highest evolvement. Even writing this, has been therapeutic for me. Whenever I start writing, I am never sure where it will lead. It is often hard for me to stay on track and on topic, as I get distracted and impassioned with all the different things that accumulate and build upon the message I wish to share. I am hoping that as you have been reading this, you’ve been feeling the sense of confidence in my light has grown. That by sharing this with you, the frequency of raising my own vibration as echoed within you. As we evolve, we will not be for everyone. Loved ones, peers, opportunities will fall away, some we would have never expected to, and unlikely replacements will find their way into our lives. We can never know how our interaction will impact a person's existence. It could be within that first moment, the next day, a week, five years or twenty later when that moment clicks into place for them. And that lightbulb moment, could have simply been you. Just YOU, owning everything you are, in your unique light. So… this is a reminder, not only for myself to reflect upon later, but for you. How will you build the confidence to regain your light, and be confident in staying true to it? Because the world needs your unique light. Be wholeheartedly YOU. Lots of love, Sharai

Rest. Recover. Have Faith. Establish your daily practice. Magic is coming, sooner than you think. Open your heart and accept that you are worthy. Love for the sake of LOVE. Be embraced by joy and it will fill your life in leaps and bounds. Do not fear. Surrender. See the light in everything and everyone. Practice holding light - you will impact those around you without saying words. Remove toxicity from your surroundings, replace it with understanding, acceptance and love. Do not force things, if it doesn't work, its not the right time. It will come when you are ready, in your heart. Trust in us, we are guiding your footsteps.

I’m sure it happens to all of us. But this feels more than a creative block, it’s like trapped energy. I can feel it deep within and all around me, and I just can’t connect. I struggle to find that flow. It’s knowing the power is there. I’ve got the cord and plug in my hand and I’m trying to put it into the wall socket in the dark. Struggling to figure out which direction the pins are supposed to go. I can feel the frustration, it rises and almost peaks, I sigh, and remember to breathe. Taking slow deep breaths, closing my eyes and I reassure myself that it is possible. But it takes time. It takes practice. It takes faith. And I think having the faith and confidence that it IS all possible is the hardest thing to maintain. At multiple points through the creative flow, the doubt slowly surfaces. The whispers of who I am to do this, be successful and all the other things we can possibly say to ourselves to bring us back down to the lower frequency where creativity is hard to maintain. My expression becomes disjointed, distracted, and disconnected. For me, I know I’ve blocked myself and my creative flow. Whether it was journaling, writing, drawing, or painting, it was my outlet to communicate how I was feeling, unconsciously, and through that expression I was somehow able to navigate the emotions I couldn’t consciously validate. I’ve always allowed time for creative play. Whether there was intention behind the practice or to simply play. Now, more than ever, I really struggle to allow myself that time. I could say it’s because now I’m a mother and I just don’t have the time, but that’s not really the truth. Not when I really consider it. Along the way, I’ve convinced myself that I’m not worthy of the time, that my time should always be spent for the betterment of my children’s and partners lives. However, what I realise now, is that a HUGE disservice to them. When I do find the tiny snippets of time to create, it whatever means possible, I feel so much more connected and truer to myself that it shines forth from my being. I can BE present with my family and feel the value in that time. Rather than the distractedness of all the ridiculous expectations I place upon myself. It seems bizarre to publicly acknowledge, but I suppose that’s the whole point of writing this blog is to share my thoughts. But the signs, the card readings, my spirit guides, the horoscopes continue to mention me to slow down and establish a practice and through this practice, all things I am blocking will be released. Growing up and associating myself as being a creative individual, it is challenging to feel these creative blocks. And the intuitive knowledge, that I’ve done it to myself. I could probably objectively say that the blocks established themselves a protector. For whatever reason along the way, perhaps it was to protect myself from judgement of others, negative comments about my achievements or even lack of achievements. It could have been to dampen this element of my nature, so my attention was forced to focus on other areas of my life. For whatever reason it was, the blocks have given me reason to dive deeper. To search for understanding about what my protector self or adult self is trying to nurture. I believe I’ve creative this block, as a forced lesson from source, the higher planes, universe, God, the divine, whatever you prefer to call it, to deepen my understanding what I can truly be capable of. To see what I can do to let go of my own judgement and lack of faith and confidence in my own capability. I realise, the more I step into that faith and confidence, the more things seem to flow, to be ‘in sync’ and to fall into place. The more content I feel. The better my relationship with myself, my husband, my children, and all other people seem to be. So, here’s to me, starting my practice of surrendering, to not stressing that I don’t have time to create, to finding peace in the moment and knowing that I can do and achieve more by doing less. Until next time, lots of love, Sharai

Some of my readers may already be aware of my health history, either through personal conversations or from simply reading blogs and posts that I have shared about it, but to fill you all in a little more, let us recap. Almost 15 years ago, my body experienced a physical trauma from a reaction to a medication. At the time of the event, anything that might have caused the reaction within my body and to the stress my immune system experienced was glimpsed over and I was treated symptomatically. Even after experiencing over 48-hours of my body trying to purge everything it had consumed and a case of acute gut inflammation, and many hours attached to a drip to re-hydrate my system, I was sent away with some strong pain medication and recommendation for bed rest. As far as they could see, the symptoms I had presented with commonly pointed to food poisoning or viral load, but I knew in my gut that it was more than that. At the time, the science, knowledge, and professional confidence was not there to investigate the issue any further. So, I trusted in the people who I would assume know best and carried on about my way. Before my reactive experience, I had been made aware that I may eventuate allergies or autoimmune diseases due to family history but there was nothing in play at the time for any cause of concern. So, I went on to try and maintain a healthy balanced diet, with low allergy foods. But I had never thought to consider what life would be like when these health concerns did surface. I did not have to give it long. I ended up seeing many GP’s, who could not find answers and when I ventured into the alternative medicine/holistic health space I found more questions than what I could find answers to. It was clear that my systems were experiencing overall inflammation, however the common question I was asked though, was why I might have high mercury levels. I did not consume fish on a regular basis or any other food-based products that may contain higher levels of consumable mercury, so for a long time it was left unanswered. It has taken almost 10 years since that event to be given some plausible answers as to what has caused my health grievances and even though I now have a good support network of health professionals, extensive knowledge in the space is still unknown. It’s suggested and assumed that I had an allergic reaction to an ingredient that was in a “safe” and routinely issued product (which I might also add, as of a couple of years ago this ingredient is now banned for use in Australia). After developing varying forms of fatigue, it was clear there was something deeper going on with my system, my body was not processing and breaking down this “consumable” element, and as such my body has been in constant distress. It is hard when you start experiencing things like this and from this experience, it is where most of my frustrations with the medical system have stemmed. I was conditioned by medical professionals that I was stressed. (Well DUH, my body was stressed out from experiencing an unresolved physical trauma that happened to compound on top of emotional trauma I was also experiencing at the time). And that was where the diagnoses stopped. I started reaching out to medical professionals that were versed in the benefits of traditional eastern medicine practices and the aspect of complimentary therapies. Once I started combining them all, I stated to see improvements as well as answers to the questions that had arisen many times before. My GP, who is a left of field and can see things beyond the symptomatic, started investigating some of the breakdowns in my body and how we could begin to treat them. The first treatment offered was diet – because a serious doctor truly knows that food is your medicine. With restrictions and a plan, it was then acupuncture therapy to calm down the nervous system to allow the body to do its thing. This process was never a quick fix approach, it has been almost 5 years into it and as the body does, when one function begins to heal, it begins apparent the next connective function needs healing too. It’s never a oh here, try this it should fix all your problems. It has been, we will try this and see what else show is up. There are a lot of skeptics out there, who would be saying, well if they did not fix it in one go, then they do not know what they are doing. That’s a pessimistic way of looking at it, it is denying the fact that human physiology is a complex system and that our western medicine ideas do not even know a quarter of the bodies capabilities. This journey though has been a lot of trial and error of therapies. Partially due to when one body function starts healing, the others that were helping that part stay together are now experiencing fatigue. But as much as I am in constant discomfort and distress, I know that my body is on the path to recovery. I cannot imagine the ill health I would be experiencing now if I continued to ignore my bodies messages. And I suppose the reality for some, is they do not know they are living in such ill health because a lot of the body's stressors are now labelled as being acceptable by our western medicine! (WHAT!) I have quite a few illness I’ve been labelled with over the years, (chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue (still up for debate if this is a real illness or not), multiple autoimmune dysfunctions, TOS (Thoracic Outlet Syndrome – Nerve, Vein, Artery) microscopic blood clots due to vascular compressions at various sites, POTS, gut inflammation, hormonal dysfunction, and the list does go on) which I’m working towards healing. And if you have done you research about some of these, it all starts with the gut microbiome and the body’s response to stress. Which is my main trigger. What might not appear as a stressful environment, things like not eating regularly can set off a stress response. Even awakening during the night can offset an adrenal episode which can then take days for my body to process. I have found through the support and guidance of some complimentary health professionals, that I can manage these reactions and their severity through alterations to my food consumption. Depending on the reaction on my body, it can be removing meat, introducing omegas or higher fibre foods. Including the addition of nutrient dense super foods and tinctures. To some, these super foods can be known as plant medicine. I have recently introduced a regular ritual of ceremonial cacao, which is so nutrient dense and has great effects on increasing blood flow through the body as well as many other antioxidants and minerals. As well as the cacao, I have added functional mushroom extracts into my daily consumptions. The effects of these, even after a few days I cannot praise it enough. With fatigue and particularly POTS, which can induce long moments of brain fog, I have noticed a significant increase in focus and clarity of mind with the use of these extracts. The science with plant medicine is still small and not widely recognised in western medicine, however if you have ever investigated eastern medicine practices, the use of plant medicine in all its glory has been in use for thousands of years. It’s been a bit of a spell since I was attending acupuncture sessions regularly, but when I was, I offered Chinese herbals to assist in the effects of the acupuncture, and I will praise their use too (obviously with the guidance from a well-qualified practitioner). When it comes to health, it is hard to feel confident in walking the path of alternative and complimentary medicines. Our modern day upbringing and conditioning has convinced us that if it isn’t synthetic in design and nature, it is no good to us. Knowing what I know now, this ideology seems wild! Why wouldn’t what the earth nurtured, without minimal intervention be good for is?! Dietary evolution and over processing our foods is what I believe has led to the increasing sickness we experience in our bodies. We need to nurture ourselves with wholesome plant foods, with minimal processing and to assist in our spiritual evolvement. Most people who know me personally would probably say I do so much already when it comes to good nutrition, yet I know that what I practice is only a portion of what I know I’m capable of. I would love to hear more about your own journeys with nutrition and plant medicine, including what brought about beginning your own healing journey. lots of love, Sharai Cover Photo by NoonBrew on Unsplash

If you’re into meditation, ritual, or just like celebrating blessings, it is more than likely that you have heard of cacao. But there is a difference from the drinking cacao you might buy at the supermarket or health food stores to ceremonial cacao. Depending on the source of your chosen ceremonial cacao, it will all go through a very similar minimal processing technique with respect to its source and the local culture. This process full of intention and prayer, compared to the modified or raw drinking chocolate you will find commercially, allows the cacao to retain its most ceremonial and nutritious components. By keeping the process simple, the cacao retains beneficial properties such as Theobromine, this can assist in regulating blood pressure and improving blood flow, releasing the 'happy' chemicals in the brain. It also has flavonoids, which are an antioxidant that fight free radicals within the body, a high content of magnesium as well as many other health benefits. I’d suggest researching your chosen brand of ceremonial cacao thoroughly to ensure that they are sourcing their product ethically and are not overprocessing the bean on its way to you. So, after that little introduction... Everybody's practice will look a bit different, so here’s an insight to mine. I start my meditation before I’ve even sat down to enjoy my cup of cacao. It all begins with putting on my headphones, choosing the soundtrack for the evening (usually a chakra rebalancing or solfeggio frequencies track). After setting the soundscape, I start gathering the tools and ingredients to prepare my cup. From here, I have two methods of preparation. Stove top (slower to place and set your intention) or straight to the mixer. The method I choose depends on the dose I’m making. For a regular, every night does I go straight to the mixer. For a deeper mediation/ceremonial does I choose the slower stove top method. After measuring out my chosen dose of cacao, I combine it in a container with a pinch of cinnamon, salt (to balance the bitterness) and a bit of honey. Most nights I also add powered Organic Blue Lotus Extract to enhance my connection to self, and extracts of Reishi + Lions Mane (functional mushrooms). To start, I add a touch of filtered hot (not boiling) water to blend the honey, shaved cacao and spices to a nice paste. For one serve, I add approximately 140ml of hot water and about 80ml of coconut milk. Whilst holding my intention in the forefront of my mind, I use the stick/hand mixer and blend until it’s a nice smooth consistency (usually no more than 15-30 sec). When making my brew on the stove top, I add filtered hot water first, stirring to blend the ingredients into a paste, then add the rest of the water (avoid bringing to simmer or boil as this damages all the good nutrients!) and once warmed, adding my chosen plant milk. Bring this to a pleasing temperature and serve. *if you haven’t used shavings of the cacao, giving the brew a quick mix with the stick blender before adding all your liquid will assist in creating a nice smooth texture. Taking my sounds with me, I find a calm and cosy place to sit and bring forth my mediation practice. This varies each night depending on what I feel called to do. If I’ve had an overwhelming day, sometimes this is my opportunity to sit with the day's events, acknowledge them and then let them go. Sometimes I will journal and sometimes I feel compelled to get up and move with some gentle dance. It all varies and relies on my connection with myself and my intuition and what my soul is currently craving. I’d like to know, what is your nightly meditation ritual? Thanks for sharing, Lots of love, Sharai 💕

I surrender to the ocean the blocks that have withheld me from opening my soul and heart to be open. I surrender to the ocean all that no longer serves me and the divine plan the universe holds for me. I open my heart to be a channel for the divine will, my dharma, my purpose of inhabiting this being to experience what I need to, to become the power I desire, my soul craves to be. I let go that which is no longer of us to my universal journey. I offer it to the breaking waves of the ocean, to crush and disband that which held me tight. I hold hope that my dreams are close, that manifestation is imminent. Be brave enough to open your heart, fully, without judgement. Without pause, just leap. The divine mother will hold you tight in her embrace of love. Deep down you know your hearts desire, you know your worth. Stop blocking yourself from the sunshine you emanate. Shine. As bright as you can. In every way that you can. Your uniqueness and way is powerful, use it fully to your advantage. Be the light that awakens the masses. Be the guide that shows the baby steps to awaken and crack open the most closed off of hearts. Have faith. Trust in yourself. You know you have the power to change the world, in subtlety or in the spotlight. Be the leader you wish you had. Ignite the change. Keep the faith. What you need is coming, open your arms to receive. Cover Photo: Photo by Apollo Photography on Unsplash

This is a little ritual I do when things seem a little all too consuming. I find a place close to body of water. (I'm lucky enough to live close to some of the most gorgeous beaches in South East Queensland, Australia, so always a little bit spoilt for choice) Find yourself seated in a comfortable position, facing your chosen body of water. Whether it's a stream, creek, pond, lake, waterfall or the ocean. Close down the eyes, and slow down your breath. For 10 rounds, breathe in deep for 3 counts and breathe out for 3 counts. This will bring your attention closer to your heart. Let all feelings of ill will, come to the front your mind. See the feelings, acknowledge them, and thank them. Let them go. The frustrations, the worries, the angst, confusion, anger, anything that you feel is weighing you down. Surrender that which doesn't do you service for the highest good. Imagine throwing them into the water. In your minds eye, you see them disperse as they hit the surface. These feelings that having been holding you back from finding peace, they dissipate until it is no longer of concern. Do this practice as often as required to bring yourself back to a place of balance.

Most recently I’ve been finding myself triggered and uncontrollably reacting to situations that in the past, I would have arched up, been abrasive and really stood my ground on. Yet, as I slowly working through my childhood traumas and conditioning, making changes to my diet to adjust my hormones and chemical imbalances, I’ve been having emotional events that I am struggling to contain. When I look back on these moments, I can objectively see that my reaction might have seemed quite a bit much, but I have to remind myself that breaking out into tears and allowing the emotions to flow freely, without restraint, it just what my body needs to move through the trauma response through the nervous system. It probably doesn’t help me much, that my body is in a constant flight/fright/freeze mode due to an overactive nervous system. (The result of which is a whole lot of immune conditions – thanks genetics and life circumstance) By not allowing my body to move through the motions to heal when required, I’ve led it to be this backed up system, that is overactive, just trying to survive the current day to day functioning I put it through. I might have mentioned this before in previous posts, but it’s not really until you experience such dysfunction of your body, that you realise something is wrong. Which seems a logical thing to say, yet it's clear so many of us ignore this dysfunction and continue to make it worse until we truly experience falling into a complete heap of uselessness. So back to my reason for feeling the need to write. Of late, I’ve been triggered and reacting to personalities that could be described as narcissistic, condescending or even passive aggressive. In some therapeutic texts, they talk about that our triggers can be behaviours or situations we have left unresolved within ourselves or have recently worked through. I think that I align with the latter. I’ve been trying to let go of these emotions and frustrations that I’ve let held onto for too long in the past, but as you could probably relate, there are just some days when you’re not feeling the good vibrations, and it’s easy to become receptive and vulnerable. Over the last few months, as I’ve been working through healing these past conditioning and traumas, I’ve found it challenging to open the communication with others about the experience. It feels almost as sense of shame that we’re not allowed or able to openly express our true feelings. Unfortunately, I believe this is reflective from the majority of our peers around us that have been conditioned to respond in judgement rather than acceptance. I want to be able to explain myself to others, you know find some reason to justify my reaction and responding behaviour to triggered events. Then I’m reminded, this want to justify is in itself a conditioning response; a method in which to make it socially acceptable to be emotional, or as some may compare it, weak. I know this statement might seem contradictory; in one breath we need to share but in the other be mindful of what we are sharing. I suppose this comes down to the context of information and the intent behind it. Who are we trying to make feel better? Them, by smothering our own emotions and downplaying our response to allow them to feel comfortable? Or Us? By accepting that what we feel is okay. We should not ever have to apologise for allowing our bodies to process the information it can’t handle. Ultimately, choose your ears with consideration. Talking with trusted others about our healing and journey is one thing but trying to justify our means to someone who doesn’t hold value in the work, is a waste of energy. I know this, through this whole journey process I’ve learnt this the hard way, it felt soul crushing to trying to explain my plight to then only have my emotional need neglected and dismissed. But I suppose this is the way we learn. From this constant learning experience, it’s an adjustment to find which practices work best to process the triggers. I have found breath-work to be extremely helpful in calming my system down swiftly. As well as some ritual and meditation practices at the end of a challenging day. It’s the knowing when my system is on its way to dysfunction, that I’ve not quite worked out yet. This is most likely due to me not being present in the moment, in the now, ignoring my intuition and getting caught up in all the daily muck we do. Getting caught up in the tomorrow. At the end of the day, we are only a soul experiencing this human existence to learn the intricacies of life. What situations have you found yourself in where you’ve reacted in an unexpected way?