As 2022 came to a close, I wanted to reflect on the year that was with purpose and with intention for what I wanted to bring in for the coming 2023. I haven’t ever really been one for setting new resolutions or goals, whenever I tried, they were lost within the first month of the year. It wasn’t that I was committed to them, I was, I was more focused on going with the flow and chasing the feeling my heart led me. Even if it was somewhat aimlessly.
So, after being ambitious enough to engage in further study (for personal development), something I’ve never invested in before, I realised it was time to refocus and determine what was going to be the theme for the upcoming year.
(I love the idea of having a theme or a singular word rather than having a set of goals or resolutions for the coming year. It sits nicer with me, and it offers flexibility. I am a bit of a rebel and have trouble with abiding by the rules of authority – even if I establish them myself. 😝)
For 2023, the word that kept showing up was SURRENDER.
Surrender to what was. Surrender to what is. Surrender to what is to come.
Even surrendering to the word took me a little while to really settle into.
As we reach the halfway point into the year and going through some massive personal shifts, I am still finding the struggle moments of how to surrender. And it wasn’t until I was given cause to pause in a recent moment that I realised what the purpose of surrender is for me this year.
It is the opportunity to let go of all the unconscious conditioning and the need to be in control of every situation and its outcome. I put such high expectation on myself to achieve, to meet some imaginary varying quota, as well as committing to many pursuits. It’s through this opportunity of surrendering to what is – that I can reduce the strain on my nervous system and the constant hyper vigilance I put myself through.
I know how to heal – the ancestral wisdom is there within me. But I often ignore it. As I know we all do. For whatever reason it is, I have made the commitment to myself to connect with this knowledge deeper, and it starts with me surrendering.
The start of this year felt like it started in chaos. Misunderstandings with myself, my family, my relationship and trying to understand my purpose and with times that it felt like my whole world was turning upside down. Especially the times when I felt like I was coming through the fog to find my heart only to feel like it shrouded over again the moment I could see.
Alas, this is the movements, the ebbs and flows of the journey, and to find the way is to trust in the process. To truly surrender.
So that is what I started to give in to. I started to let go of some of the higher expectations I had set for myself. Yes, it is great to be ambitious – yet your body and soul must have the capacity for it. It may be capable, but on what quality of foundation?
For what I dream for the future of myself, my family, and my community, I want to start with strong foundations. So, no matter what type of obstacles come along, that we are strong enough to adapt and keep growing.
This year has felt like it has been a slow start, however when I look back from where I am now, so much really has been achieved, purely by slowly surrendering.
I recently completed a coaching course that provided me with the tools to communicate better with those around me, as well as addressing the needs within my relationship with my husband. This led us from talking about potential separation to building a stronger dynamic within our relationship. It also helped me manifest a new job, assisting me to remove myself from a masculine dominant environment into a supportive and feminine dominant environment. Allowing me an opportunity to really connect deeper with myself – connecting back to my word of surrender.
It is hard to surrender to your own needs when you feel you are too heavy in the masculine energy (from a feminine origin). I believe we are created to be in balance – not only with ourselves but also with those we partner with. And contributing to the disharmony in my marriage, was the imbalance of my masculine and feminine energies. I was functioning so high in the masculine in my day-to-day roles that it overflowed into my relationship. And not only that, for many years before, as a single woman with no strong masculine energy in my world. I adopted that energy as my main way of functioning. And in turn this attributed to the disfunction in my nervous system. I didn’t really know how to be in my feminine quality, so, part of this year has been surrendering to that.
As I have begun to surrender to the many areas and energies of resistance in my life, snippets of magic have slowly been seeping through, and its slowly stoking the fire of desire within. Not only that, but it is also beginning to heal the immediate and generational sister and mother wounds that I have carried with me for the majority of my life.
As I enter my 36th year on this earth, I still feel like a child with so much of the world to explore. Not only physically but on every plane – and knowing that even when I reach my 50th year, I will have much wisdom to offer and still feel like a child, new to walking this earth. Surrendering to that truth is exciting.
For now, it is about really building the foundations for what I would love to cultivate in the future. It is letting go of the resistance and surrendering to the magic that is to come.
It is surrendering the need to control the outcome, to purposely steer the journey rather than enjoying the ride. It is surrendering to the pause and trusting that it is okay to rest and do nothing, because sometimes to truly be productive is to feel like you are being unproductive. It is surrendering to the moment and experience the joy in it. It is surrendering to my heart and the energy and passion it exudes when it is open. It is surrendering to my intuition and the gut feeling of when something does not feel quite right and being empowered to say no. It is surrendering to the empowering magic of being a woman – a goddess – a sacred oracle. It is surrendering to the knowledge that what we experience in this lifetime is not here to punish us but to teach us.
I feel as though I have experienced a lot in this lifetime – however I have somehow managed not to hold on to a lot of the thought of it. I experienced it, (didn’t always learn from it it) and then moved on (and sometimes without fully processing it).
This is my moment now to surrender to all that came before, all that was. It has shaped me into who I am now, in this moment and assisted to prepare me for the surrendering of what is to come.
It is only part way through this year, which has felt lightning fast but also a drag and, in that knowledge, it provides the opportunity for excitement for what the remainder of 2023 has to offer.
So, I would like to ask this of you all, what are you surrendering to this year? I’d love to know, so please share in the comments.
Much love, Sharai
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